When women fall out of love, it often happens without them realizing when it happened or how it happened. Sometimes, there is a clearly defined incident that diminishes the relationship. But most of the time, it is a slow insidious slide that leaves women with a vague feeling of disappointment. How does this happen? It happens because of small micro-thoughts you have about your man. Most of these micro-thoughts you’re not even aware of, but they can build up to have a devastating effect without your awareness.
To help you understand how this hidden process works, let me tell you a true story about unconscious thoughts. Several years ago, a college class asked if I would demonstrate hypnosis. The graduate-level class was a small class, so I only had a few volunteers to pick from. That can be a problem because not everyone is susceptible to hypnosis. I picked a volunteer and asked to go over to his apartment and practice before class. As it turned out, Andy was a good volunteer and quickly went into a trance state. While he was in the hypnotic trance, I suggested to Andy that when I snapped my fingers in class, he would go into an even deeper trance state and more quickly.
When I was about to leave his apartment, Andy said that he was worried that he wasn’t really hypnotized. This is a common response, so I said that I would give him a posthypnotic suggestion to show him that the hypnosis was working. I put Andy in a trance again and suggested that when he woke up, he would have an irresistible urge to sit on the sofa. As soon as Andy woke up, he began to talk about how he did not have any urge whatsoever to sit on the sofa. He reassured me that he was perfectly comfortable sitting in his recliner. For fifteen minutes he repetitively talked about nothing but how he had no irresistible urge to sit on the sofa and how ridiculous it was for me to think that he did. Fifteen minutes is a long time to talk about how you don’t want to sit on the sofa. I tried to engage Andy in other discussions, but all he wanted to talk about was how he did not have any desire to sit on the sofa. After fifteen minutes, Andy started to sweat and look extremely nervous. At the end of twenty minutes, Andy jumped up and ran over to the sofa to sit down. After twenty minutes, Andy couldn’t stand it anymore.
Understanding what happened to Andy is an important first step in improving your relationship. Andy had an internal struggle going on he wasn’t aware of. At the conscious thinking level, Andy was not aware of any reason that he would want to sit on the sofa. However, Andy’s unconscious level had a message that said: “We want to sit on the sofa.” The conscious thinking level operates by the laws of reality. Based on the laws of cause and effect, there did not seem to be any logical reason that Andy would want to sit on the sofa. The unconscious, however, works on the pleasure principle and non-reality. At the unconscious level, it made perfect sense that Andy would have an irresistible urge to sit on the sofa. The consciousness and unconsciousness fought for a while, but because it was so easy to sit on the sofa, the unconscious won out. The strange thing about messages that get into the unconscious is that the person is not aware that they are there. The unconscious messages result in strong feelings that seem to come out of nowhere.
Women by their very nature are very emotional beings. Emotions are the heart and soul of every woman. Most of women’s emotions are generated by the unconscious. Feelings originate in the very center of the brain and are mediated by higher-level thinking processes. If negative thoughts about your man start to enter the unconscious, the unconscious will accept them as completely true and generate the appropriate feelings. Imagine if your micro-thoughts sound something like this: My man doesn’t help out enough, he’s always making messes, he does whatever he wants and he doesn’t think about my needs. If those thoughts are entering into your unconscious, they will result in a vague generalized feeling of resentment, anger and disappointment. Because the thoughts are in your unconscious, you will not be aware of them, you will only be aware of the generalized feeling you have. However, the consciousness will try to find reasons for the generalized feelings. So, the consciousness will look for behavior that substantiates the generalized negative feelings. Your conscious thinking might be totally different than your unconscious feelings. The conscious thinking might be similar to this: He’s a good guy, he works hard, he could help a little bit more but he’s not bad. If your conscious and unconscious have conflicting thoughts like this, you may have vague generalized negative feelings that can undermine your relationship.
How can you avoid the negative micro-thoughts and reprogram your unconscious? The reason the negative micro-thoughts enter your unconscious is that they are attached to emotional feelings. Reprogramming your unconscious isn’t as easy as just thinking positive thoughts. The positive thoughts have to be connected to emotional feelings. Just thinking logical, reality-oriented thoughts will not help to reprogram your unconscious. In order to reprogram your unconscious, you will have to catch your guy doing a lot of positive things that get you emotionally revved up. The problem is the negative thoughts outweigh the positive thoughts by a ratio of one to five. If the negative thoughts are very hurtful, the ratio increases dramatically.
So, how are you going to catch your guy doing so many positive things? This is where the My Man Training program can help. The weekly Tweak-a-Weeks will regularly be suggesting things your guy can do that will give you positive micro-thoughts to store in your unconscious. We’ll get your man to increase his positive behaviors toward you. It will be your job to attach a positive emotion to the micro-thoughts and store them in your unconscious. Over time, vague negative feelings will be replaced with generalized positive feelings. Generalized positive feelings are what relationships are all about.
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